Responding to Insults

Sometimes people say mean stuff. I get that. Bads days are all around and foul moods often affect other people. What I don't understand is why.

I'll tell you a story. I won't name names or be biased (if I can manage it). I'll just tell the story like I was standing in the corner of the room watching a scene in a movie.

There was a group of about eight girls sitting at a table. Their ages ranged from 12-14. They were talking and someone brought up the subject of lying. The discussed if ommission was really lying, and how anyone could lie, but it was a different story if they were skilled at it. To emphasize this fact, one girl said, "I can lie, I'll show you." She turned to another girl sitting at the table and said, "I like your sweater."

For a moment, there was silence. But someone broke it and the animated talking resumed once more.

There was one girl at the table that did not join in. She just sat there in silence, struck dumb by the first girl's comment. 

...

The fact that the girl in question (the one with the sweater) couldn't care less what the first girl thought or had to say about her is beside the point. She can't help but wonder why someone would even consider saying something like that. The first moment after the incident she couldn't think of anything at all to say. Imagine it in your mind: someone has just insulted you, right to your face; it might have been meant as a joke but that doesn't change much, and you know that she means what she's is trying to say. What do you do? How do you respond to that?

Eventually this girl is able to feel bad for the girl who insulted her clothing. She can't imagine a situation where she would launch an unprovoked attack on another person like that, and so she settles on pity, because obviously that girl was in need of attention or was insecure herself.

Later she even thinks of something she could have said, if she hadn't been so shocked:

(sarcasm) "That was an excellent example, you sounded so sincere. Thank you, I will cherish your kind words close to my heart, forevermore."

(shock/pity) "I literally cannot believe what I just heard. I am so sorry that you are in a place where you need to take such desperate measures to attract attention. I wish there was someway I could help, please let me know."

(indifference) "It's a good thing it isn't your opinion that matters, then."

The thing is, we're always told what not to do in these situations. The main piece of advice given to us regarding direct(or indirect) insults is don't laugh along and pretend it's funny. That tells the person it's okay. 

No one tells you how to respond. Sure, go tell an adult, they say, but do you really want to go run off and tattle just because someone insulted your sweater? That seems like a pretty lame idea.

Any suggestions? Ideas? Advice? Thoughts? Similar stories? I'd love to hear about it.