bedroom windows, part two

If I had taken the time to imagine the first time I would sneak into a girl's window, I doubt it would have looked like this.

I doubt I would have imagined myself standing at a locked window, waiting for Niki to break into her own house through another entrance because she forgot her key. Yet I did stand outside that locked window. And I did wait, smiling to myself about what I was about to do. Even after the light turned on in her bedroom, I stood outside her window, watching the shadows dance across the shades as Niki moved around her room, throwing her possessions around in a last ditch attempt at tidying.

Finally, she opened the window and smiled a mischievous grin at me, her coconspirator. But there was a tentative edge to that smile that made my stomach tense momentarily. I stepped onto the plastic deck chair that we had positioned underneath her window. Holding my breath and thinking stealthy thoughts, I pulled myself off the moonlit chair and onto the window sill. Then came the awkwardness of my legs but Niki was right there on the other side so I slid into her arms and she maneuvered me into the bedroom.

I kind of cleaned up, in case this happened, she said, sheepish and I wanted to take that sheepishness in my hands and hold it close. I wanted to hold every part of her close but I collapsed onto her bed and settled for squeezing the stuffies I'd left in her care months previously.

The events that followed displayed all of the splendid awkwardnesses that one can expect from teenagers illicitly occupying each others bedrooms. There was the moment when her brother stood outside the door and I shoved a pillow in my face to muffle the giggles I couldn't contain. There was the familiar feeI of the pajamas I wore, ones I'd seen Niki wear at sleepover after sleepover, none of which had taken place in her bedroom. There was the fact that I flossed my teeth but didn't brush, as Niki's brother remained in the kitchen making eggs. We set an alarm for my departure the next morning and then fell into bed, exhausted with our supposed rebellion.

I can't describe accurately enough the feeling of lying in Niki's dark bedroom, our limbs a tangled mess of each other and even if I could, I can't say I'd want to. I remember the moonlight and my eyes refusing to stay open and our bodies so close and molded to the other's that we were like Lego, slowly becoming one whole. There was warmth, sometimes too much, and I kept throwing the covers off and then dragging them back on. As I said, I can't describe it perfectly but I can say that if I could chose one moment from my summer to go back to and live in forever, it would be that one and I would spend the rest of eternity wrapped in her pale arms. I wish I could have stayed awake longer to appreciate it but my body refused to cooperate and sleep washed over me like a drug.