It wasn't as if I planned it like this. If I had planed to be sneaking out of Niki's bedroom window at 8:30 on a Saturday morning, I would have stuck a toothbrush in my pocket when I left home. Like the best deranged plans, this one was spur of the moment.
I hesitate by the window, looking back and forth from the chair waiting for me against the wall and my pajama clad friend. She looks at me expectantly and then sighs a little and hops onto the chair herself. Niki is out the window before I can calculate the improbability of my circumstances. Glancing back at the slightly open door, hoping no one wanders in, I step onto the desk chair and propel myself onto the window sill.
***
The night previously, I had expected to be home by 10:30. I had a ride and everything. My friend dropped me off in town and I left most of my stuff stashed in her car. I thought I was coming back for it. I set off to meet Niki, throwing on my red cape as I walked. I can't say what made me want to wear it. It was one of those random things.
When I imagine myself walking up to her, I'm sure it's way more badass in my mind. I pulled my hood up so that from behind you could only see the bottom half of my black skinny jeans, the red hooded cloak covering the rest of my frame. The cloak blew slightly open in the wind as I half skipped up to Niki. She smiled at me and then at my cape and I wanted her to stare at me for decades and also for her to never look at me again. It was like being frozen in a spotlight and I only moved when she decided to release me.
We started to walk in the only real direction worth walking and our hands found each other magnetically. Her touch made my palm tingle gently. Moving through the quiet streets with Niki at my side--our fingers intertwined, both reaching and relaxed, like ivy on an English country home--I had a surreal feeling of being completely present, like I was in the exact right place at the exact right time. My happiness at being alive with her at that precise second must have radiated from my body in waves.
If it were a dream, we would have glided through town for an endless amount of time, provoking smiles and pausing traffic, as every person tried to figure out what was so right about us and how they could copy it. Our glow was inimitable and imperfect.
But in reality, there was deep fried sushi to eat and texts to be sent. There were friends to console and dark train tracks to walk down. There were iPods to give away and goodbyes to be whispered. There were hugs to be hugged and benches to be loitered on. It was a different sort of gliding around town that took place that Friday evening.
At what I thought was near the end of our night together, Niki sat on a bus bench and I sat on her. We appeared to wait for a bus that had stopped running hours ago as we both put off our inevitable separation. I kept troubleshooting the moment I would have to leave her and delaying it and waiting for her to tell me to come over to her house and knowing that she wouldn't. But it hurt to keep drawing out the end when I knew I couldn't put it off indefinitely so I texted my dad for a ride and when he said sure and asked where I was, I looked into her eyes and said what I promised myself I wouldn't: "Could I sneak in your bedroom window tonight?"
I hesitate by the window, looking back and forth from the chair waiting for me against the wall and my pajama clad friend. She looks at me expectantly and then sighs a little and hops onto the chair herself. Niki is out the window before I can calculate the improbability of my circumstances. Glancing back at the slightly open door, hoping no one wanders in, I step onto the desk chair and propel myself onto the window sill.
***
The night previously, I had expected to be home by 10:30. I had a ride and everything. My friend dropped me off in town and I left most of my stuff stashed in her car. I thought I was coming back for it. I set off to meet Niki, throwing on my red cape as I walked. I can't say what made me want to wear it. It was one of those random things.
When I imagine myself walking up to her, I'm sure it's way more badass in my mind. I pulled my hood up so that from behind you could only see the bottom half of my black skinny jeans, the red hooded cloak covering the rest of my frame. The cloak blew slightly open in the wind as I half skipped up to Niki. She smiled at me and then at my cape and I wanted her to stare at me for decades and also for her to never look at me again. It was like being frozen in a spotlight and I only moved when she decided to release me.
We started to walk in the only real direction worth walking and our hands found each other magnetically. Her touch made my palm tingle gently. Moving through the quiet streets with Niki at my side--our fingers intertwined, both reaching and relaxed, like ivy on an English country home--I had a surreal feeling of being completely present, like I was in the exact right place at the exact right time. My happiness at being alive with her at that precise second must have radiated from my body in waves.
If it were a dream, we would have glided through town for an endless amount of time, provoking smiles and pausing traffic, as every person tried to figure out what was so right about us and how they could copy it. Our glow was inimitable and imperfect.
But in reality, there was deep fried sushi to eat and texts to be sent. There were friends to console and dark train tracks to walk down. There were iPods to give away and goodbyes to be whispered. There were hugs to be hugged and benches to be loitered on. It was a different sort of gliding around town that took place that Friday evening.
At what I thought was near the end of our night together, Niki sat on a bus bench and I sat on her. We appeared to wait for a bus that had stopped running hours ago as we both put off our inevitable separation. I kept troubleshooting the moment I would have to leave her and delaying it and waiting for her to tell me to come over to her house and knowing that she wouldn't. But it hurt to keep drawing out the end when I knew I couldn't put it off indefinitely so I texted my dad for a ride and when he said sure and asked where I was, I looked into her eyes and said what I promised myself I wouldn't: "Could I sneak in your bedroom window tonight?"
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