So I'm standing there scrubbing away at a cup measure this afternoon and reevaluating my distaste of the song "I'm Only Me When I'm With You." See My Relationship Progression With This Song:
- Bobbing along. Oooh, this is kind of catchy.
- Furrowed brow. Wait a second, this is a dependency song.
- Slow nodding. Okay, she's talking about her best friend. That's cool, right?
- Head scratching. Hold on, why is it okay to only be yourself around your best friend but not around a guy?
- Quizzical expression. Shame! I know EXACTLY what she's talking about. I'm dependent!
- Squinty look. But then it is about a guy?
- Head-desk. I'm so confused. What is my stance?
It recently occurred to me that I don't have to have a ideological "stance" to every song on my iPod but still, I think about these things. And I've made it clear in the past that I don't support the intricacies of Taylor Swift's tendency towards passivity and pining. But this song has shaken it all up by the mere fact that I associate with it so closely.
I know what it's like to feel so close to a person that your empathy transcends almost everything. I've felt like I couldn't be myself when I wasn't around this person/people. I've been a part of something that feels greater than myself, been half of a whole.
What does that say about me and does it even matter? And when you start to realize that a lot of what you thought was silly or wrong or cynical or close-minded, is that called maturity or just life? Seriously, what are the chances I'll look back on this point in time, everything I stand for and believe in, and think, "Wow, I can't believe I thought that. I was so... *insert adjective here*"
*gasp* Am I actually growing as a person?
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