I feel extremely stupid right now.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you did something and then you thought 'hey, maybe this isn't such a good idea after all' and you still had time to fix it, but you didn't for whatever reason?

I did that two nights ago. I put my iPod in my pocket and I remember realizing that the pocket was pretty shallow and maybe I should put it somewhere else and I might've put it somehwhere else, or it might have fallen out of my pocket and the worst part is I can't remember. I don't know whether to keep looking, and if I did I would know where to look. I don't know if it fell out of my pocket onto the ground and was run over by a Mac truck.

It's the worst. I don't know whether to hold out hope that it'll come back or just buy a new one.

I don't like the new iPod nanos. I liked mine. And it's gone.

Short

The house smells. It has something to do with the dog. I saw her licking some liquid out of a plasic bag in the backyard and now she's come in and it smells horrible. The only refuge is my room, where the best entertainment is, you guessed it, my new laptop.

It's so beautiful and shiny and new. I want to knit it a hat.

Other than the house smelling, I really have nothing to say. We are having a bar-be-que today, which makes the current smell a tad inconvenient, but what can you do? The answer to this question, in case you're wondering, is light candles, open the doors and windows and make your dog stay outside. We could make some cookies or something, but the current plan is working just fine. Well as fine as any plan can.

My first blog on my new computer feels very satisfying indeed.

Potential Entertainment

My last blog on here was a little depressing. To lighten things up, I'm going to be filling out one of those pointless and mundane surverys that you find on Facebook. I'll tell you, the only way to answer these things is with a sense of humour. What can I say, I'm really bored right now. I really want it to be July so that the summer will be in motion already. But I'm going to have to wait, and until then, well...

Is your room ever clean?
Well clean is a subjective phrase. Compared to a uncared for public washroom it's squeaky and compared to the kitchen of an obsessive compulsive person, it's not.

When was the last time you said you were fine and really weren't?
I don't lie, if I can help it. So I don't remember. Wait, that made me sound depressed, which I'm not. New answer: I don't say fine because it's a placeholder. Tell us how you really feel.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
How am I supposed to know? Ask people? Honestly, I don't care enough to figure out who likes me. If you like me, well, I like your taste and if you don't, stop wasting my time.

Who did you spend your summer with last year?
Some crazy people who think abuse is funny, my quirky family and other people I deem worth spending time with.

Do you have an older brother?
Not that I know of.

Do you believe in karma?
Justin Timberlake says it best "what goes around comes around". That was JT, right?

What were you doing at 7am this morning?
Having a very odd dream.

What's the weather been like today?
Nothing earth shattering.

How many kids do you want to have?
Geez, I know teen pregnauncy is on the rise, but really, do you have to assume such things?

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
I'm not Tom Riddle, but what is a good relationship with your parents? Talking to them? Spending time with them. I like my parents as people. We get along just fine.

Are you close to your siblings?
Not right now but I have been. Very close. Wait, you mean emotionally close? I'm that, yes.

How did you feel when you woke up today?
Like I had just woken up.

Does anyone have feelings for you?
I have a secret admirer, yes. Do you mean aside from my cat? Then no.

What is your middle name?
Jayne. With a Y.

Are you a bad influence?
I'd say so. Whenever I'm at the park I always climb to the top, even when you're not supposed to. And the little kids always try to copy me and they end up falling. I'm incorrigible.

Does your best friend have a myspace?
I thought this survery was about me.

Do you and your friends have code words for things?
The pink bird flies at night. It was because of the dancing. She's a psychic and he's a fairy king. YES!

Could you ever be friends again with someone that broke your heart?
I've never understood the broken heart analogy. Maybe you have to experience it to understand.

Honestly what's on your mind?
My closet doors are open. It's REALLY bothing me.

When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard ?
All the time. The last time I was reading Rena's blog from here: www.ravingpersuasions.blogspot.com

Are looks everything?
No, but I do look extremely gorgeous in this light.

When you meet someone special, do you fall fast?
Define "special" and then you will have your answer.

Are you a dog or cat person?
Cat. I was born in the year of the dog, but I'm a total traitor.

Do you think your life story would make a movie?
I don't think it would, but it could. If I met a really hot guy and fell in love and then had something horrible happen, but then it turned out okay, than yeah, I'd be a great movie.

Do you ever think "what if" about anything?
Totally. What if I hadn't done this quiz? What if I had picked rock? What if I had been a boy? What if my parents had named me Bronwynn? What if i had just turned off the stove?

All. The. Time.

Goodbye, I guess

I'm typing this on a computer at the library. I could be at home, but Jane Eyre was overdue (I finished it today! finally...) along with some other stuff and I'd been in the house all day, so I decided a walk to the library would be the perfect solution to my empty Wednesday night.

I've been wanting to write this blog since Friday. On Friday I went to a Harry Potter camp. I'd been to the same campsite two years ago. It was the June before my friend moved away, one of our last camps together before she left. We had a lot of fun at the camp two years ago and on Sunday it was her dad that drove us home. Me and my two best friends at the time, Victoria and Denise.

The trip home was just about as fun as the camp itself. We chatted about everything that had happened at camp, earning the irritation of our driver, who was racing down the roads at an incredibly fun speed, however illegal it may have been. I remember having so much fun that day as Richard (Denise's step-dad) sped down the country roads bouncing over bumps and laughing with my friends. A really great adventure.

Two years later, it seems so far away, and even brings tears to my eyes (cliche and sad, maybe, but true). So much has changed since then. Denise moved four hours away; Victoria and I have slowly drifted apart; and then a few months ago I received the news that Richard had died. Gone forever.

It's weird how hard it was the write that. I didn't know him that well, but he's the first person I have really known that's ever died. I cried when I heard, but not really because I was sad he was gone. That sounds bad. What I mean was I was more sad for Denise, her mom and her younger brother. I can't even imagine how hard it is for them.

Death is weird. I've remarked on this before while blogging, but you think you understand something, and then you actually experience it and you realize you didn't know anything about it before. It's one thing when your pet gerbil dies, but to have it wash over you that you're never going to see a person again, never going to hear their voice or touch them, is horrifying.

This blog was deeper and more serious than most. I don't know why I'm pointing that out, you probably realizes it on your own you brilliant reader. I hope I haven't scared you off. Until next time...

A note to Richard, who won't ever read this, but still:
I didn't know you very well. I didn't even like you that much. I'm sorry your were so unhappy. I'm sorry that you had to leave. I'm not apologizing, mostly just sympathizing I guess. You were a really good person, even if you were annoying at times. I don't know where you are now, if you're anywhere at all, but I hope it's better there than it was here, even if nothing is all you have. We miss you.