not getting what you want

Up until fairly recently, I have been very good at getting accepted for things that I wanted. I applied for Girl Guide trips/task groups four years consecutively and was accepted to all of them. I applied for jobs and got interviews. I went to interviews and got jobs. It was always exciting to get that acceptance letter, email, or phone call, and I don't think that I felt entitled to the things I applied for but I definitely took my admittance for granted a lot of the time.

Fast forward through my wildly successful teen years to this October when I didn't get an interview for a leadership program. This was only a small blow because I secretly knew there was a spark missing in my application. The spark was missing because I was somewhat reserved about my excitement to be a part of the program. It must have come through in my application. Still, it stung, and after getting rejected, I met someone who had done the program before who raved about it, and felt a pang of belated loss.

I learned something from that experience, though. Namely, if you're going to take the time to write an application letter and shuffle together your resume and maybe even references, make sure you wholeheartedly, 100% care about the opportunity because insincere applications are transparent and a waste of everyone's time.

The next opportunity that came my way was something I was endlessly stoked about. I put all my energy into my application and then into my audition, which was just over a week ago. It was a poetry mentorship put on by a local arts centre. It felt super right for me at this time in my life. I'm ready to get serious about my poetry and working with a professional poet as a mentor felt like the perfect learning experience.

On Monday I found out I hadn't been selected for the mentorship.

I was a little disappointing upon reading the email, as is to be expected. However, it wasn't until I shared the news with others that the feeling of rejection really hit me. Telling people about getting rejected has to be one of the shittiest parts of rejection.

Strangely, even in the process of telling people, tears inexplicably streaming down my face, I started to get really excited. I don't mean for this blog to seem like a really cheesy story about how getting doors slammed in your face is actually hugely promising but, um, I kind of feel that way?

All I can say is that once I knew I wasn't part of the program, I started to think of all the other super cool things I could be a part of and it's pretty damn rousing. I'll let you know what plans I cook up.