the beginning of everything

This isn't my original thought and I have a strange de ja vu feeling typing this that makes me feel like I've already posted it but I don't think I have. This quote, particularly the last sentence, is constantly on my mind as of late. Enjoy.

“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

"I love her and it is the beginning of everything." 

fractured memories part 4

Remember when I hugged you

before security swallowed me whole

and I calculated how much explaining

you'd have to do,

if I kissed you right there.

I wouldn't have had to deal,

could have stolen

through the frosted doors

without a glance back,

left you to blank looks

and questioning eyes.

I hesitated, arms around you,

working up the nerve.

But I pulled away,

without even brushing my lips

across your cheek.

And I'm not the type of girl

who has regrets,

but god,

I regret that.

it kind of rhymes (weird)

I was that girl
to whom texting was incorrigible
until I started texting her.
I was that girl
who scoffed at thumbs on tiny keyboards
until my fingertips drafted messages
to her.
I am that girl
who smiles to herself
when texting is discussed in crowds.
I am that girl
who never thought
she'd be writing texts out loud.
Again and again,
I surprise myself.
It makes me feel quite free,
to still not know just who I am,
or what's left for me to be.

I would follow you anywhere

Footsteps on unfamiliar footpaths,
we attempt to find our way back.
The rain picks up,
I whisper to the sky,
Perfect timing.
You panic, shove the sugar my way,
I giggle, lift my shirt to hide
the paper bag from raindrops
that threaten to destroy it.
We stumble down the trail,
spin in all directions,
not knowing which trail is ours.
You pull me to the right,
I follow because it's you and
I would follow you anywhere.

Baskin Robins, soccer kleats

After every soccer game
of my youth, back
when I played soccer
and not solitaire,
my dad would take me to Baskin Robins.
"Win or lose,"
he'd say.
I wanted to win.

Today, I walked past,
glanced through the glass,
at all 31 flavours,
didn't stop walking
but lingered on the memory
of flavour swirling through my mind.
Soccer kleats still on my feet,
smile as wide as PEI rainbows.

life goals

I just want to fill
a lifetime of notebooks
with bad poetry;
raise children with my sister;
smile while I sleep;
spend hours on letters,
I know I'll never send;
read a library of books
and pour more tea
than I'll consume,
constantly marvelling
at every refraction of light
my imperfect eyes perceive.

Remember
when we stood on the rooftop
let the stars kiss our noses
my favourite people
under one sky

sitting in a treehouse
raindrops caught on leaves and branches
instead of her head.
love spilling from her shirtsleeves,
crammed underneath fingernails
lodged in the space behind her ear,
for a girl who loves comic sans.
the platform is heavy, strained
from the weight of her suppressed expectations
she knows from the dark circles
under her eyes, reflected in the sky
disappointment is the root of most heartache
she's trying to cut it off early,
intercept it like an amateur athlete's pass
rip out nine stitches in her own time
rather than watch them taken
into less gentle hands
waiting for the moment when she can let out
the breath she swore she wouldn't hold.

some haikus I wrote in May

Eighteen years old, lost
without needing to be found
for her, maps beckon
--------------------------
I promised okay
Fingers crossed you'd feel that way
Easier everyday
--------------------------
I used to love maps
Now all that they show
Is distance between

fractured memories part 3

Remember when we swayed,
eyes open, arms splayed
to the rhythm of our memories.
Fingers combing the air
the way I move my through your hair
not needing to be anywhere
we weren't.
You fixed yourself in the light
spilling from my cracks.
I held you, whispered slowly,
promised to come back

fractured memories part 2

Remember when we sat on my bed
pushing boxes inside our heads
waiting, impatient for the give
ease of tension in the fabric.
Remember when I said that word,
girlfriend
and I watched your body
pour into the air
like cream into coffee.
You let out the breath
you didn't want me to know
you were holding,
hoping,
wishing,
this girl who rejected labels
would exhale those words
in that order.
We were two knots,
unraveling in sync.
But I never let myself think
it would last.